Grief and Loss of Self in Trauma

When we think of grief and loss, the most ready example that our minds typically have is the death of a loved one, and this certainly makes sense as it is where most people will have their most intense experience of grief. However, grief and loss is not restricted to death, and my experience has been that individuals who have experienced psychological trauma also experience grief over the loss of their identity. They no longer feel like the person that they were, and this realization is painful.

Grieving the loss of self after experiencing psychological trauma can be a complex and overwhelming process. It's common to mourn the person we used to be before the trauma occurred, as well as the life we had envisioned for ourselves. During this grieving process, it's important to allow ourselves to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and confusion. Generally speaking, we have built a culture of avoidance, where grief, sadness, and pain are to be prevented or overcome as quickly as possible and the persistence of negative emotions suggests that there is something 'wrong' with the person. However, it's normal to feel lost and uncertain about our identity and place in the world after experiencing trauma.

As we work through our grief and begin to rebuild our sense of self, it's crucial to practice self-compassion and patience. Healing from psychological trauma takes time, and it's okay to not have all the answers right away. By acknowledging and allowing our pain, honoring our experiences, and embracing the journey of self-exploration, we can gradually find healing and rediscover a new sense of self that is resilient and empowered.

Coping with Grief

One of the approaches which I find particularly effective for grief and loss is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which offers a unique approach to coping with grief by focusing on acceptance and mindfulness. In ACT, individuals are encouraged to accept their emotions and thoughts related to grief without judgment. This involves acknowledging the pain and sadness that comes with loss, rather than trying to suppress or avoid these feelings. By accepting their emotions, individuals can begin to process their grief in a healthy way, allowing them to move forward with their lives.

Another key aspect of ACT in coping with grief is the concept of mindfulness. Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and fully experiencing one's thoughts and emotions. Through mindfulness practices, individuals can develop a greater awareness of their grief and learn to observe their thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. This can help individuals create distance from their grief and develop a sense of perspective, allowing them to navigate their emotions more effectively.

Furthermore, ACT emphasizes the importance of committing to actions that align with one's values, even in the face of grief. By identifying what is truly important to them and taking steps to live in accordance with those values, individuals can find a sense of purpose and meaning amidst their grief. This focus on values-based actions can provide a sense of direction and motivation, helping individuals to cope with their loss in a way that is meaningful and fulfilling while also helping them to regenerate their identity and regain their sense of self.