The Fear of Backsliding

The "Oh No, I'm Back at Square One" Feeling

Maybe you’ve had a good week. Maybe even a good month. The world has felt a little brighter, a little quieter. You’ve started to think, "I’m really doing it. I’m healing."

And then, out of nowhere... something happens.

A small comment, a specific smell, or maybe nothing you can even name. Suddenly, your heart is pounding. The world goes gray. That old, familiar tightness is back in your chest.

The first thought that floods in isn't just about the feeling itself. It’s the crushing thought that follows: "I’m back. All that work... gone. I'm right back where I started. I’ve failed."

If this feeling is familiar, I want you to hear this loud and clear: You are not alone. This fear—the fear of "backsliding"—is one of the most common and most painful parts of the healing journey.

But it is also based on a myth.

Why Healing Isn't a Straight Line

Part of the problem is that we’re taught to think of progress as a straight, upward line. We picture it like a race from Point A (feeling "broken") to Point B (feeling "healed").

When we think this way, any "bad day" feels like we’ve not only stopped, but we've gone all the way back to the starting line.

I want to offer you a different, more compassionate visual: The Spiral Staircase.

Imagine your healing journey as walking up a spiral staircase inside a tall tower. As you climb, you are going to pass the same window over and over. You’ll look out and see that same familiar, painful view—that old trigger, that familiar feeling of panic or sadness.

Your first thought might be, "Oh no, I’m at this window again. I haven't gone anywhere!"

But here is the most important part: You are not on the same level.

Every single time you pass that window, you are one floor higher. You are looking at that same old view, but you are looking at it with new perspective, new skills, and new strength you didn't have the last time you passed it.

It’s not a "backslide." It’s a sign that you are still climbing.

What to Do on a "Spiral" Day: A Gentle Toolkit

Understanding the spiral staircase is the first step. The next is having a few gentle tools for when you find yourself looking out that familiar window. These feelings are still hard, but how we respond to them can change everything.

Here are three gentle "invitations" for you to try:

• Name It, Don't Judge It. The moment you feel that "I'm failing" thought, try to gently intercept it. Instead of "I'm backsliding," try a neutral observation: "This is a 'spiral' moment." "This is my nervous system working hard to protect me." or "This is a memory, and it is temporary." This small shift takes away the extra, heavy layer of shame.

• Acknowledge the "Now." A trigger’s job is to pull you into the past. Your job is to gently anchor yourself in the present. Feel your feet on the floor. Name five things you can see in the room right now. Remind yourself, "In this moment, on this day (you can even say the date), I am safe."

• Choose One Small, Kind Act. You don't have to fix the entire feeling at once. Just offer yourself one small act of kindness—not as a reward, but as a resource. Can you get a glass of cold water? Step outside and breathe fresh air for 60 seconds? Put a hand on your heart and just feel your own presence? The goal is not to stop the feeling, but to be with it compassionately.

The Takeaway: From "Bad Days" to "Passing Days"

So, what is the real goal of healing? Is it to eventually reach a "perfect" day, a "finish line" where you are never triggered again?

Absolutely not. That’s an impossible standard that sets us up for a feeling of failure.

I’m often reminded of something my drill sergeant, Staff Sergeant Hall, used to say about physical training. After a particularly grueling day, he’d tell us:

A "passing day" is one that might be hard. It might be messy. You might feel shaky, triggered, or sad. But it's a day you get through. It's a day that doesn't send you into a complete spiral. It's a day that you can navigate with the skills you have, treat yourself with some compassion, and wake up the next morning still on your path.

That is the goal of therapy.

The work we do isn't about erasing your past so you never have a "bad day" again. It's about building your strength, your understanding, and your compassion so that a "bad day" becomes just that—a "passing day."

That is progress. That is resilience. And every "passing day" is a victory.